I’ve noticed that we, Polish women, are more open if we are in a relationship with foreigners. Somehow our translated version is bolder. Even though sometimes there are not enough words to really express ourselves. What I like most about foreigners is the culture. That they are more polite and respect boundaries.

We came as a whole student group on a trip. Nobody went back to Poland. It was 1992, and we rented a single flat together and led a merry life away from our parents and responsibilities. Partying hard. We were euphoric, I may say.

I started working for a nice couple in New Jersey. I looked after their child and learned to speak English. When I put aside some dollars – I went to language school in Greenpoint, where I met my future husband. A Pole from the neighborhood. We fell in love, got married and set up shop on Manhattan Avenue.

My husband traded in jewelry and then his boss went out of business. So we invested everything we saved into the shop. We had youthful energy, enthusiasm and we were successful. Besides, there were a lot of expats living in Greenpoint who wanted to buy gold and take it to Poland or Puerto Rico. They were buying massive, heavy things that could be put in their pockets on their way back. Gold, most of all.

And so I got stuck in that shop for years. I didn’t grow. There was money, we bought property, we invested. But my husband and I were distancing ourselves from each other. More precisely: he was distancing himself from me. How did I find out? When I started to recall my life, I realized that it started after I had the baby. The disappearance of my husband.

In the evening, when the children were already asleep, he would say: I’m going to the shop to fix something, I’m going to prepare the orders, stuff like that. He would disappear for hours. Then it turned out that he was going gambling, or watching pornography, like some drug addict. At first, I was shocked, but then we went to therapy because we are civilized people after all. It didn’t work.

I can’t say a bad word about my husband, we have two wonderful children. He was a really good father, and we had good years. But I no longer felt wanted by my husband. How can you feel wanted when your husband spends hours watching porn and not you? And I was only in my forties. Again, I was a good and modest housewife, too. I knew my limits, I knew how much I could afford.

I had a guilty conscience that maybe I had spoiled my husband too much? Maybe I should have trained him a bit to be more helpful and to make an effort? I don’t know. I started blaming myself for our failure. When we started divorcing, it got uncomfortable because the assets had to be divided. And my husband showed his dark side. And after that, I wouldn’t even have coffee with him anymore. I don’t think so, any more.

It took me a long time to recover. Especially since cancer came on top of that. Don’t be surprised, that’s how it happens, such disasters walk in pairs. My stomach ached a little, so I signed up for a doctor’s appointment. I was given an appointment in three months’ time. I had almost forgotten about the appointment, but in the end I thought: if I’ve signed up, I’ll go, so be it.

The doctor said: you’re fine, we’ll do a gastroscopy. But on my way out I still told him that I had bleeding. And it started: how much blood? A lot. This is not normal – He answered. We stopped this cancer in time, so I’m alive. But it was not a good time for us. Neither for me nor for the children. The ground was removed from under my feet.

But then my younger friends came to my aid. They said I needed to be enrolled in ‘online dating.’ I didn’t agree so quickly. After all, it was a fear that something would happen to me, you never knew who you would end up with. My friends promised to be on the phone all the time. If something goes wrong, I’m supposed to text, and they’ll come running to save me.

And let me tell you, it was a great idea for me to finally feel better. I wanted a man to finally say to me: you’re pretty, you’re okay. And I started to have fun, although it took a few years before I trusted a man for good. I met my partner in a Greek restaurant. Because he is Greek. He is handsome, even similar to my ex, only more cheerful. We get on well, with my Greek Guy we laugh about our accents because we didn’t grow up in New York.

I’ve noticed that we, Polish women, are more open if we are in a relationship with foreigners. Somehow our translated version is bolder. Even though sometimes there are not enough words to really express ourselves. What I like most about foreigners is the culture. That they are more polite and respect boundaries. On the other hand, they can compliment their women, embrace them tenderly in a restaurant. They are not afraid to express their feelings. Poles are blocked, I’m afraid.

I think they could do with reading some books on self-improvement. Reprogram themselves a bit, you could say. Not to judge others too hastily, not to compare themselves to others, not to race.

I am now a contented woman, but the road to contentment was a long one. I know that with my Greek, I am not guaranteed a lifetime. And that is ok. I am very religious and go to church to pray. Every Sunday. I dress nicely. I wish I could go to confession. My Greek and I opened a restaurant in Manhattan. The restaurant is Greek, of course, because my partner is into that. I’m very excited, but I don’t want to work so terribly hard anymore. I Just want to live. If it’s a good investment, if we’re successful – then maybe we’ll move to Greece afterwards. Europe is Europe, right?